koi no yakan

of glances and flowers

"The extraordinary sense upon first meeting someone, that you will one day fall in love." – koi no yakan [ko-ee no ya-kan], Japanese.

"Yua, can you go and get the flowers from Kaito?" mother’s voice travelled through the hectic bakery.

I paused in the middle of kneading the dough for the cinnamon pastries and wiped my hands off of the apron. Turning around, I noticed how the rest of the crew were all busy running trying to get things done faster. Looking over towards my mother, I smiled and nodded, taking my apron off in the process.

I liked going over the Kaito’s flower shop. He was a nice old man with new intriguing stories to tell every time I visited. The flowers were a touch my mother liked to place around the bakery and a new order was made every week. She must’ve forgotten to get them before arriving.

Grabbing my sunglasses and overcoat, I exited the bakery and inhaled the crispy air, holding back a shiver from the cold. Since it was nearing mid-day, the streets weren’t as busy – what with everyone still at work – so it was nice to walk around.

Rounding the corner, my gaze set upon the flowers outside. I was surprised when I saw a young man in the store. For some reason, I had the feeling that I knew him, but I couldn’t pin point from where exactly.

"Konnichiwa," I greeted, bowing slightly to him. His only response was a small smile and bow.

My breath hitched. Those eyes, I’ve seen them before. Shaking my head, I groaned internally and quickly headed inside the shop. I tried to remind myself that I’ve never seen the man before and that I shouldn’t be so interested, yet my racing heart wasn’t willing to listen.

Kaito’s deep voice broke my train of thoughts, "Konnichiwa Yua!"

I smiled at the man before me and bowed with respect. Kaito was a very good friend of my father. Both had served together in the war, bonding during the long nights of patrols and swearing to always be in each others lives – no matter what.

"How are you, darling?"

"I’m great, thank you! I’ll have to pass by later and bring you some of the taiyaki that were in the oven."

"That you must," Kaito exclaimed quickly. His eyes widening and a wistful smile adorning his face. "Give me just a moment, I’m almost done with your mother’s order."

"Don’t worry," smiling, I turned around to look around the shop.

I loved smelling the different flowers Kaito brought and learning more about them. Walking around, I couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. Yet that couldn’t be possible, there was no one inside.

Subtly lifting my head, my eyes connected with grey ones through a thin line that the racks offered. Again my heart skipped a beat.

"I see you’ve seen my son," Kaito commented behind me. With a small yelp, I turned around holding my heart, willing it to settle down. He gave me a smile that insinuated a secret, "Sumimasen Yua, I didn’t mean to startle you."

"It’s okay," my voice came out as shaken as I felt and I found myself laughing a little. "I didn’t know you had children."

Kaito’s face was confused, "Don’t you remember Riku? Both of you were inseparable."

My eyes met with grey ones once again. I couldn’t recall.

"Riku left to study near Tokyo, but both of you cried so much that day. Here you go, darling. Say hi to your mother and make sure to tell your father that he still owes me that fishing trip."

I laughed and nodded, "Of course. See you soon, Kaito."

He left to the back and I was left analyzing the flower arrangements, wondering how I would bring all four of them to the bakery. I would’ve brought the car had I known they were this big. The bell above the door rang, signaling the entry of someone.

"Need some help?"

My heartbeat accelerated. Only turning my head, I found Kaito’s son behind me. Knowing that I was staring and that I couldn’t grab all of them, I nodded.

"Riku," he said, extending his hand.

Staring at it for a moment, my eyes landed on his, "Yua."

He smiled and went to grab three arrangements. I was about to protest, but he was already out of the door. Scurrying, I took the remaining one and headed out into the cold air. Riku stood patiently waiting for me and motioned for me to lead the way, following into step with me.

He was the first one to break the comfortable silence that had settled between us. "What’s your favorite flower?"

"I really like tsubakis."

"How come?"

"They represent longing, adoration, pure love. I like the thought behind them. What about you, what do you like to do?"

And for the next ten minutes, we talked and asked questions to each other. I purposely directed us through the long route, not wanting to end the conversation so fast. Reaching the bakery, I chastised myself for feeling disappointed about the fact that we had to go our separate ways. Despite having his hands full, Riku managed to open the door for me.

I smiled at him in thanks. We entered the warm store; its sweet lingering smell hitting us in waves. I showed Riku where to place the arrangements and told him to hold on just for a second. Running into the kitchen, I packed a few taiyaki for Kaito.

"Would you mind giving this to your father?" I asked, returning to the front of the bakery.

Riku shook his head and accepted the package. "It was nice meeting you again, Yua," he said as he bowed.

I copied his movements and gently smiled at him, "The pleasure is mutual."

He looked like he wanted to say something else, but held himself back. Instead, he nodded with a shy smile and turned around, exiting the door.

"Why did he leave so soon?" mother cried out from behind the counter holding a new tray filled with pastries fresh out of the oven.

"He has other things to do mom."

"But he’s your koi no yakan," she exclaimed.

"Why do you say that mother? We barely know each other."

"That’s not true! When both of you were younger, you always said it to each other. And don’t tell me otherwise, young lady. You should’ve seen both of your faces."

"Mom, I doubt that counts as love."

"Oh no? Then don’t tell me you didn’t feel as if you knew him? Or that your heart didn’t beat faster when he was around you?" I frowned. "Yua, wouldn’t you like to see him again?"

I nodded, "But that doesn’t mean anything."

"How do you feel around him sweetie?" Seeing me hesitate, she quickly added, "And tell me the truth because I know when you’re lying to me."

I sighed and slumped down into a nearby stool. I was thankful that the bakery had emptied out while I was getting the flowers.

"I feel…," I trailed off. "I feel very safe and secure. He paid such attention to whatever I said, never hinting that whatever I was saying was boring. His smile is so beautiful, but not as beautiful as his personality. His grey eyes hold so much wisdom, yet are so gentle. He even likes to cook, mom! During the short time that we talked, I could feel his passion as he talked about his business; it was something admirable. He made me feel cared for that small amount of time by the way his gaze softened and –."

My eyes grew wide and I turned to face my mother who was sporting a knowing smile. She placed a warm taiyaki in front of me and left to the kitchen. All the while humming a soft tune with a jump in her step.

Could it be, I questioned. Moving to face the window, my eyes caught sight of a pair of grey eyes. Riku smiled and waved, before joining the rest of the pedestrians crossing the streets.

I stared at his backside for the longest of times. A smile adorned my face and a warm feeling coursed through my body – and it wasn’t because of the treat in front of me.

A certain grey eyed man stuck in my mind throughout the day. Heading home after the bakery closed, I enjoyed the cold that sometimes entered through my coat folds.

Arriving to my doorstep, I found a dozen tsubakis and a card waiting for me.

Lovely to reconnect with you, koi. It would be the greatest pleasure if you’d join me for a picnic tomorrow at 6 pm in our spot. –R

What spot?

From inside the envelope, two small pictures fell out. Their brown edges insinuated its age. Leaning down to pick them up, I found myself staring at two kids in a park under a cherry blossom tree. Near them was the gazebo that I frequently visited during my down time. I recognized the girl with two pigtails, it was me at a small age. The boy was very familiarly looking. Riku.

The first one was us two hugging very close and staring at each other with smiles on our faces. I stared at the second one longer. My eyes were full of light and an enormous grin adorned my face. Riku was holding my hands and kissing my cheek; both of us very red looking.

At the corner of each picture, written in small messy children handwriting were two initials: Y+R. Writing could be seen through the films. Turning them around, my heart stopped. Koi no yakan, Yua and Riku. Forever and ever. All in the messy handwritings. One of them I recognized as my own, the other I supposed belonged to the grey eyed boy.

I smiled as I smelled the sweet scent of the pink flowers, feeling warm inside.

– Ciana Tejada, excerpt of "koi no yakan".